rainbows

my sis just called me to tell me to look outside my balcony to the northeast side of town to see these beautiful double rainbows

beautiful, beautiful rain

it is raining today. i feel so warm and comfortable inside. i have all the doors and windows open.

2morrow is my mom’s birthday and this morning the nieces were here and wanted to make her some presents. it started off cool… the youngest one was asleep while i worked on a card and heart bookmarks we found here. we also made a simple little drawstring pouch because Kenzy felt that grandma needed a pencil bag. we also put these cute little tulip covers on the ends of the tied cords.  then Kayla woke up and almost instantly started crying that she wanted to make something, so it sort of turned into a massive juggling act. as usual i forgot to take pics, but after they left i took the pic above… evidence of the craft melee that occurred.

i am having performance anxiety on the string quilt tote. as i near the end of almost every project, i start feeling really afraid, which i then instinctively try to avoid with the aid of procrastination. i know it is because i am afraid i am going to do something to ruin it. and the thought of ripping out stitches instantly makes me feel mad and frustrated. today, i am going to go thru these emotions and stories irregardless and hopefully someday that will become the habit and the fears can dissipate.

…  but for now, i am going to go lay down and try to regain some energy.

cloudy day

 

[edit: this was meant to be posted yesterday, but i forgot   ]

the weather has been so nice… well, nice to me. the cold weather is steadily trying to make it’s way in. it’s been unseasonably cool here in Vegas. usually it stays hot all the way up to Halloween night, when the temperature just plummets in like a couple of days. so with the cool weather, the urge to crochet has come back. 2 days ago i made these slippers. the pattern is so simple and they come out so cute. they took me about 20 min. to make, but i changed the stitch from single crochet to a modified half double crochet (i dont do the yarn over part) to make them not so bulky and go quicker. my niece showed me the almost exact same slipps at Urban Outfitters. i forgot to take a pic of them before i gave them to my sister. i will have to have her take one for me. or maybe today i will get around to making some more. i just feel too lazy to dig my massive yarn bag out of the back of my closet.

i have also been working on strip/string quilting. i am using the instructions posted here. i just get lost in the colors and patterns. i am making a tote bag. i have the bag constructed, but i am procrastinating on choosing the lining and figuring out the the handle part. i intend to make it so the handles can be taken off and switched to another bottom. the handles are big gold colored hoops. i also embroidered a label for this bag. man it took me forever. i don’t know why… prob cuz i was watching TV at the same time.

i also ventured to try free motion quilting last night. i am always so scared to try new things. i have to really get outside of the fear and see it for what it *really* is and then common sense has a chance to appear. i mean it’s kinda crazy… what… i didnt want to wasted a scrap piece of material??? change the settings on my machine??? hahahhahaha

it’s funny how some TV shows help me creatively. here are the ones that i am watching now:

America Sews

America Quilts Creatively

P.O.V.

Nova

Martha Home

Simply Quilts

Independent Lens

Matlock

Murder She Wrote

Arrested Development

Law and Order

Law and Order: Criminal Intent

The X-Files

Keeping Up Appearances

The Office (BBC)

play days

[warning: this is being written with my *gewurztraminer goggles* on  ]

i forgot my camera at home so i don’t have any pics of my little adventure/vacation at my sister’s house. let’s see what have i done so far…

i’ve been shopping with money i have no business spending… i bought the new Martha Stewart Living magazine, Real Simple and Country Living at the urging of my oldest niece. i also found the cutest little toddler boxers at the 99 cents store.  i bought them for the fabric.  one has the words *luv child* written on them with a primary color print!  oh they are so cute.  i am going to make a couple of little zippered totes.  i think i am going to try and make them in the shape of circles.

on the way to the store my sis popped an ol school CD with some bomb breakdance beats and we were jammin!  we were supposed to have a breakdance contest when we got back but we spent too much time shopping.

2morrow we are going to go look for some jump ropes so we can teach the girls to double dutch    i hope my ankles can handle the shock.  hahahahhahaha  i have just a little more weight on me than back in the day…  just a lil’    oh and i bought some crayons and a coloring book for myself. can’t hardly wait to have some quiet time and sit on the couch curled up with them.

i found this beautiful pillow earlier here at bird in the hand. the colors and composition are so amazing.  i was also checking out weewonderfuls…

oh and in Real Simple there is a quiz on breaking out of your comfort zone…  wow that was really eye opening for me.  i am the queen of the comfort zone. 

time to let Maddi (my oldest niece) back on the computer…  it’s hard to compete with the daily duties of myspace.  

it’s like a puzzle

i think my head is gonna explode.  two weeks ago i brought ALL of my belongings out of storage from California.  i brought them to an already furnished 2 bedroom apartment.  everything in my storage was a full 3 bedroom apartment.  trying to fit everything and figure out what to give or throw away is like a big huge puzzle.  i am trying not to get overwhelmed, but my perfectionist/taskmaster/son had me wound up at first.  now the clues are non verbal ones that all this mess is getting on his nerves.  in my defense, i just keeping thinking of all the times he got on my nerves.  i dont know if this is the correct thing to do, but it’s what i am doing.  hahahhahahahaha

my daughter just got back from visiting her boyfriend’s family in Long Beach. she had a great time.  this is one of the photos they took.

i am so happy she is back.  i missed her.  but then i realized i will be vying for computer time once again.  sigh.

the other night my son had me watch the new program Heroes.  i never watch  network TV any more.  for the first time ever, i actually watched a first run Law and Order episode.  i have only seen them on TNT, USA or Bravo.  …  well Heroes was the bomb.  it reminded me of the same writing quality as the X-Files.  it would be on my *don’t miss it*  list, if i had one. 

okay here it is 3 hours later and i am just now able to get back on the computer!  i got up to put a chicken in the crockpot and my daughter slid right on up on here!  hahahahhahaha

well hopefully i will get everything kinda sorted out around here and then head off to my sister’s house to go play *pretend* with my nieces.  it’s been so fun playing with them lately…  we’ve played “pretend killer polar bear” (that, in the words of my niece Kenzy, will eat you like some ‘chicken nuggets”…)   tag, hide and seek, Kenzy’s Coffee House (we sit around drinking coffee outside of a tent we made in the backyard, while one of us recites poetry and the rest of us snap our fingers bohemian style), restaurant, Justice League against the evil doers, farm…  playing pretend is great. 

fresh air*

the park and picnic were lovely once again. nothing like nature to remind you to *stop* and feel. i took the quilt pieces and the zippered bags i did so i could take pictures in the sunshine…

here are the quilt pieces

here are the bags…

here are my nieces with a new found friend…

i received my first comment yesterday… thank you Kate

and now i am off to go sew

new morning

i finished the quilt blocks for my grandbaby’s quilt. man, i only did 12 blocks of the simplified farmers daughter pattern (i found it in the Quiltmaker’s Magazine i received when i bought my Viking sewing machine), but by the time i was near the end, i was like whatever and just sewing them however. this is the first time i have quilted a block from a pattern and used the 1/4 inch seam allowance, which i assume would have been a little easier if i had a 1/4 inch foot… but i got used to the distance kinda quick like. i wanted to have the whole quilt done by this weekend, but maybe i was being unrealisitic in my goals… maybe??? hahahhahahaha

okay… i was feeling depressed yesterday evening… again. i started off feeling anger. i caught myself repressing it, so i expressed it. i felt better. but of course that was not the end of it. the person i expressed my anger to, started doing this *mind-(i-am-not-really-doing-anything-to-you)game*… okay i dont know if anyone is familiar with this, but in my family, we are pros at it. passive aggression. so at first i was able to fend it off, but by the end of the night, i was wore out and feeling guilty and second guessing myself. so went to bed feeling crappy.

but thank goodness for Love/Universe/Prayer, cuz i woke up this morning to the wonderful tv program *New Morning* … this program is so beautiful!!! i believe i have been waking up early just to see it. this morning’s theme was on doubt. excellent! just what was going on with me, doubting my self worth to express myself. and not only my anger… pretty much everywhere! thank you God/Self!

yesterday i caught this program called “Frozen Angels” on Independent Lens/PBS on fertility clinics and genetic selection trends. wow this was mind blowing. my mouth was hanging wide open through most of this show. Also was able to catch the original “Manchurian Candidate” with Angela Lansbury and Frank Sinatra. I have wanted to see this movie for a long time now. This was an excellent movie.

okay off to the park for picnic time

love of quilting

woke up this morning determined to turn around and face whatever emotion it is that i believe is chasing me. so i am going to go off my WIP’s for a little bit this morning and cut some quilt blocks. how does cutting quilt blocks involve facing emotions you say??? i feel quilty for wanting to do something other than finishing these totes and pouches i was supposed to finish this week. i feel *guilty* for feeling *quilty*! hahahahahha i found this program on tv this morning. they explained the basics of cutting shapes with the seam allowances so well. man, i cant wait to try it. i will probably incorporate what i come up with into a purse.

ok this is a trip… about 3 weeks ago, someone stole one of the purse sets i made. awhile ago i made this purse:

it had a matching cosmetic bag and long style wallet. i gave it to my daughter and it was one of her favorite totes. well while she was at a party several weeks ago, she left it in the back seat of her friend’s car. and when she came out, all her stuff was emptied out on the backseat, but the purse, wallet and cosmetic bag were gone! she has been so sad. this really tripped me out that someone stole something that i made! my daughter is always telling me that her friends are always asking her where she gets her purses and saying that i need to open my own shop, but in this funky weird way, it kind of hits home that my stuff is really good. hahahhahahaha a *they like me, they really like me* moment… i feel funkily selfish for that

also today i would like to find a good tutorial for setting zippers in zippered pouches. i dont like how the ends of mine come out.

*o lovely day*

yesterday was a rough 1

wow yesterday i was feeling so incredibly sad… just one big wave of sadness. i dont even want to read the post from yesterday… so i wont right now. today was much better although i have not yet gotten out of my pajamas. i finished a couple of little zipper pouches. and was feeling really creative this morning. but i whiled away the rest of day annoying my son, watching Columbo and all the Law and Order’s.

i think i have been drinking too much coffee here lately… i just love the taste now. i have not been able to drink coffee for YEARS and all of a sudden i have been able to handle the caffiene. man i put so much cream in it, it tastes like a milkshake… umm umm good.

i did not really look at any blogs or sites today. i may later on. sometimes i just dont like being on the computer.

:::edit:  i was just taking a look at my previous posts and i did not realize that i am usually so sad.  hmmmm…  can i really be that sad, i don’t feel that i am that sad or agitated.  i am thinking that this may have to do with *perspective*.  i am really glad that i have these thoughts recorded. :::

been away… where?

yeah, i have been so busy doing so many things. and now that i have finally stopped, emotions have been catching up with me. some that i have kept at bay for awhile and only recently became aware of. alot of guilt.pain.fear surrounding the life i have provided for my kids to grow up in and my lack of facing the fear of taking financial responsibility. mainly feeling i am competent enough to even attempt grasping.discussing.standing up for my right to be financially literate and sound. my avoidance of this fear has manifested in so many ways and i choose to step outside of the machinery that has kept this going for all these years. and whatever happens, healing is here. so i choose to Love myself and give myself the same consideration and thoughtfullness and caring i would afford someone else in my situation. i am Love.

* * * *

i have been staying close to what i Love concerning colors, fabrics, styles and letting the voice of my inner critic float around in the ether, but being vigilant not to let it settle anywhere. i have been staying to myself alot lately, just cuz i feel i need to. here is a picture that i love. oh my goodness this doll and the pose just make my heart huge. also i am loving this and this… and this.