• a large tote of strip quilt squares, embroidered words in Twi and Fante, and an Adrinka symbol (Sankofa)

•  a partially made tote with Zora Neale Hurston on it, embroidery and Adrinka symbols

• Some doll clothes for my nieces from a re-issued vintage pattern from Simplicity (# 3883)

• 2 patchwork skirts for my nieces

• a purse with a matching zippered cosmetic bag out of Elvis fabric for my niece

• a purse with a stencil of a B-gurl and a matching zippered cosmetic bag (w/stencil of “LadyK”) for my daughter

• a knitted scarf with a crochet border and flannel patch with the letter “K” embroidered on it w/yarn for my daughter

• a knitted hat to match the scarf with pompom on top

• 2 pairs of flannel pajama pants for my sons

• a pop tart zippered cosmetic bag for my niece

and I am will post pics and links in a few…  but I just realized Columbo is on Hallmark and I have to go watch it. 

man… i was wary that i would ever write in a blog again… at least that was how i felt when i decided to take a break from it. there was so much anger that i was not letting myself feel that i felt like a madwoman. well, i am doing better now. i still cry when i see pictures of my cousin or i start to think about him, but i put his eulogy on my altar next to my grandpa and he is now one of the ancestors.

let’s see… i have joined a couple of forums and re-visited some old ones while i have been away. i have been attempting to reconnect with the comfort of known friends and situations, but it hasn’t worked out so well. the past is the past and is best lived in the memory. i also haven’t sewn in a while. i took up my crochet and knitting more, although knitting makes me want to hurt someone sometimes! i just can’t get the swing of it, but i will keep trying. i’ve been on myspace a little more and i am feeling discontentment with that. it is kinda crazy concept if you think about it. it is a virtual world where nothing is what it seems to be. and we are already living that in this reality anyways so… what the heck? euro-centric science and technology just seems to want to mimic what the creator has already done and call it their own and say they developed it. cloned animals, virtual environments, patent of genes… if you think about everything too hard, your head will explode.

on a lighter note, i found a couple of cool patterns/directions online in the past couple of days:

reconstructive shirt surgery – (this one actually comes out like it looks with little effort) http://muppinstuff.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/11/tshirt_renovati.html

wardrobe refashion – (opportunity to take a consumer-conscious pledge… i am still mulling it over … i am such a joiner, hardly ever a finisher… i really don’t like that about me)
http://wardroberefashion.blogspot.com/

an amigurumi doll pattern crochet – (i haven’t tried this one yet, but i will soon for the granbaybee )
http://stitch.hellooperator.net/amigurumi-doll/

oh and i have a gripe. why are men so shitty these days? i don’t understand it. is it because i am getting older and showing it and before when they were being nice it WAS like Chris Rock said “to a man, a woman friend is just a future f***?” and why are men who are supposed to be conscious or striving to some type of spiritual betterment just as shallow as the rest of them or worse? is it just another addition to the pimp game? i am bitter. i just wish it wasn’t like this. i am just craving something true, i guess.

hmmm… okay, i think i am done for now.

long live truth, fairness and free-domes ♥

[i am somewhat buzzed at the moment ]

i really had to take time and slow down. i was not allowing myself to be sad, mad or whatever. trying to breeze through it. trying to find a shortcut to happy feelings. but in the time i took to be with myself, i remembered that i am not really a happy esctatic type person. in the attempt to run from “emotion”, i confused my natural state of being with “depression”. i found myself caught up in trying to stay “up” when “up” is not someplace where i have ever naturally been. so i allowed myself to be depressed and this was what was needed for this moment.

i’ve been doing some quilting when i can get my procrastinating ass of the couch   i am working on a star quilt and am finally finishing up my grandaughter’s quilt so she can take it back with her.  i have the top done, i am just inching along with the actual quilting part.  i hate taking the time to keep adjusting everything so it is lined up nicely, and i hate it not coming out perfect the first time i quilt an area.  hmmm…  those two sentiments don’t actually go together.  maybe this is why i procrastinate???

my granddaughter has been here visiting for the past several days from Cali with her mother and that has been really cool. she has such a strong personality. she is very much aware of what she likes and wants. it’s been nice to witness this.

in giving myself a mini pedicure, i realized that my toesnail have developed lil ridges and that this may be a sign of iron deficiency, anemia. i have been anemic in the past and this may partly explain my lack of energy lately. this poem may sum up an additional explanation.
i stumbled accross this forum (actually while looking for a natural solution to my anemic issue) yesterday, which led me to this website, which led me this blog with the aforementioned poem.  i have been interested in this spiritual order since i was 10 or 11 and i am pretty happy to get the chance to read these folks commentaries.  they appear to be very truthful in what they are writing.  i really appreciate truth.

well, i hope everyone has a meaningful day today.  i hope everyone looks truthfully at what this holiday signifies and remembers all those who have gone before us…  their lives, their struggles, their ideas…  without whom our lives would not be possible.

i dont know if this site is well known, but dang this is the bomb! i really, really, really need this since i dont know anyone who knits and i am so shy, it’s painful to even think of going into a knit shop for help. and i have been reading alot of knitting blogs and everyone is talking about Rhinebeck… what’s that?

also found this. can’t wait to try the classes.

i really, really, really want to learn how to do this.

oh my goodness… a video instruction site.

why oh why did i forget my needles at home (i am babysitting the neices at my sister’s)! please excuse me while i have a little silent temper tantrum… okay i’m better.

these last several links were found here at fuzzylogic. this lady seems really advanced.

okay i think that is enought for know… i am burning up with frustration that i can’t try these sites right now. no use in torturing myself.

*Use what talents you possess–for the woods would be silent if no birds sang but the best.*
-Henry Jackson van Dyke.

i found this quote here, along with this on time post by yarn harlot. i do this all the time. i may not be the best seamstress, crocheter (is that a word??? sounds funny), knitter, embroiderer (another funny one), beader…. artist…. but dag nab it, i enjoy it and i can design and put things together and i spend MASS amounts of time doing it! and in my dream of dreams, i make my living at it. i really pretend not to value my self, my talents for vanity sake. i dont want to appear to forward or brash. i want to appear humble and loving. i undervalue myself for appearances. for really and truly, i DO value my talents or i wouldnt spend so much time doing them! i love the feeling of accomplishment after i finish a project or when i figure something out i previously thought there was no chance in hell of me ever learning. and i value other artists accomplishments. i marvel at their creations. so with all my heart, i intend to stay with this knowledge and leave all the pretense and pretending behind.

i have decided to quit *the job*. so many things transpired there. it has been hell. i dont think i have ever been treated so badly in a place of work in my life. i was threatened 2 days ago with termination and my name taken off the schedule for the next week, because i did not have $100 dollars to get my work cards (in Nevada you have to get work cards to be able to work here… crazy). i then realized that i have been staying out of loyalty… loyalty to my sister who also works for the same company and loyalty to the obligation i made when i said i would take the job. but there is no loyalty in this world of corporations. i am just a little ant to them… to be threatened, controlled by fear. so this perceived ant says *bye-bye*.

i visited this site yesterday that i check it out every so often. this woman is brillant. her clothes and accessories are WOW. i think her site is one of the first sites i visited that helped me decided that being a clothing artist is what i want to do.

i also found this quote while aimlessly surfing the net yesterday… love it.

*i fell awake in my dizziness. a mind game.* ~ posted by:tickle_my_elmo

Peas out yall…

… but what saved me today was i brought my knitting to work with me and at lunchtime i knitted so furiously i could’ve burnt the yarn with the sparks! i knitted for a half hour straight and it is the only that calmed me down after dealing with peeps for 4 hours straight. thank goodness for the healing from *craftwork*… oh and i can’t remember if i posted it, but i learned how to knit (finally!) from that book i bought at Savers! yay-yeah! so i am knitting a scarf for my son who says i never make anything for him and i am in the process of knitting some socks. i want to learn how to knit two socks at the same time on circular needles but that seems a little out of my league.

i feel my cousin at different times during the day.

when i hear a dual exhaust chevy truck… today someone in the line next to me told their child, *ask your Uncle Red* just as i was thinking about him… when i was sitting outside for lunch, i was looking at his picture and it still boggles my mind that i can’t just call him up, that i just cant pop up at his job… man…

i think to today i will start sewing again. i have really been feeling the need to create, but i haven’t had the energy or the focus. i think i will work on my quilting. i also wanted to get over to Saver’s today. i saw a book called *How to Knit* that i should’ve gotten when i saw it. i hope it is still there. i really want to learn how to knit. i have tried before, but in my hardheaded-ness, i think i refused to learn and made up excuses. i really like how knitted pieces look though. we’ll see how that turns out…

i also am going to organize all the phone numbers from all the *people’s* that i reconnected with this week. i promise myself to not let fear induce me to close back up into my little shell and lose touch with my family and friends again. i will face fear and be myself with them… all of me. my goofyness, my nerdyness, my mean-ness, my shyness… whatever. i will just be. i already talked to my cousin this morning. it was really nice.

i missed yoga again this morning. i was talking on the phone to my homegirl. hopefully it will be back on tomorrow morning. i watch Namaste Yoga on FitTV. it is, i believe, Vinayasa Flow (after i went to get the link it says Hatha Vinyasa… i am not sure what the difference is though, but here is what wikipedia says.) and it is really smooth and flowing and lovely. i also like Gilad’s workout cuz jumping around is not really my cup of tea right now, and his workout are really simple yet seem to be effective for me. i’ve been gaining weight, but my clothes are fitting alot nicer, so i assume that muscle is forming. [ i hope that's what it means ]

wishes for an excellent day for all of us

i have to go to the casino where my cousin and i worked this morning, to take care of some details regarding accomodations for the family that will be coming into town.  i have to go to the office where both my cousin and i worked together, and where his things are still there.  i am afraid of the unknown.  i am afraid of seeing all of my old co-workers/friends who may know and may need consoling or want to console, or want to ask questions.

i think i will take a blanket with me so i can go to the park afterwards and be still.

i just remembered that i can be still right now, right here.  i am stillness.  peace within the troubled waters.

my cousin passed early yesterday morning.  i don’t know what to do.  i am so sad.  i just want to put something into words.   i really Loved and appreciated him.  he was one of the best, kindest, loving men i knew.  he was an example of a male figure for me, when i thought i had none.  he took care of me when i needed it, he was a blessing given to me at my darkest hours.  at times when i felt there was no hope, he pointed me in the direction of light.  he was so funny and kept me laughing at times when all wanted to do was cry.  man, i miss him.  i miss him so much and i am so sad that i will never get to hear your voice again.  Red wherever you are, i pray that you are enveloped in Peace and Love.  man i hope to see you again one day.