thank you

'Monday, 9 October 2006' 4:28 PM' at 4:28 pm 2 comments

thank you blog. last night i had such a bunch of emotions and no where to express them. in writing them down, putting them out in the universe, i feel they were heard. i needed to be heard. my father still has not called me, but it is okay now. i took care of my own needs. and i am sure he is struggling under the weight of his own needs, his own grief.

i have to go to the casino where my cousin and i worked this morning, to take care of some details regarding accomodations for the family that will be coming into town. i have to go to the office where both my cousin and i worked together, and where his things are still there. i am afraid of the unknown. i am afraid of seeing all of my old co-workers/friends who may know and may need consoling or want to console, or want to ask questions.

i think i will take a blanket with me so i can go to the park afterwards and be still.

i just remembered that i can be still right now, right here. i am stillness. peace within the troubled waters.

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Entry filed under: emotions. Tags: .

bye Red, i Love you. Vegas is sick

2 Comments Add your own

1. kuahine | 'Thursday, 12 October 2006' 11:10 AM' at 11:10 am

I’m so sorry about your cousin. Everything will be better soon, I promise.

I don’t know who you are, or even how I landed on your blog…click, click, click. But this is such a peaceful place, and you’re so for-real, that I know I’ll be back.

Especially heartwarming is the photo of the girls jumping rope double-dutch. I’d forgotten how exciting and beautiful that is to watch — it’s been 31 years since I left Chicago — and your perfect image made me nostalgic and homesick…in a good way.

As do your blog entries, for that matter.

Heartfelt condolences to you and your family, and thank you for creating this little oasis of fresh light and clear air.
2. michele | 'Friday, 13 October 2006' 4:54 PM' at 4:54 pm

thank you so much kuahine… i really really appreciate you taking the time send your thoughts and condolences this way. yes, it is has been so confusing losing him, but in each moment, i am so much more aware of who he was and is… so many little details , so many little things that he did out of love that i did not see until now. and it is so so horrible that it took this for me to fully see him and appreciate the man he was, but i am so grateful for the fullness i feel. i was telling my sister it is like a little bomb of love exploded around us. my love for him grows and grows as each second goes by.

i am also so glad that you find peace here… sometimes i wonder what my ramblings look like to anyone who may read them , but my one desire in life is to live as Peace, however it appears in my life. [edit: but most of the time i wonder if Peace is what is conveyed and not *madness* . ]

thank you for writing!