knitting animated!

i dont know if this site is well known, but dang this is the bomb! i really, really, really need this since i dont know anyone who knits and i am so shy, it’s painful to even think of going into a knit shop for help. and i have been reading alot of knitting blogs and everyone is talking about Rhinebeck… what’s that?

also found this. can’t wait to try the classes.

i really, really, really want to learn how to do this.

oh my goodness… a video instruction site.

why oh why did i forget my needles at home (i am babysitting the neices at my sister’s)! please excuse me while i have a little silent temper tantrum… okay i’m better.

these last several links were found here at fuzzylogic. this lady seems really advanced.

okay i think that is enought for know… i am burning up with frustration that i can’t try these sites right now. no use in torturing myself.

my self

*Use what talents you possess–for the woods would be silent if no birds sang but the best.*
-Henry Jackson van Dyke.

i found this quote here, along with this on time post by yarn harlot. i do this all the time. i may not be the best seamstress, crocheter (is that a word??? sounds funny), knitter, embroiderer (another funny one), beader…. artist…. but dag nab it, i enjoy it and i can design and put things together and i spend MASS amounts of time doing it! and in my dream of dreams, i make my living at it. i really pretend not to value my self, my talents for vanity sake. i dont want to appear to forward or brash. i want to appear humble and loving. i undervalue myself for appearances. for really and truly, i DO value my talents or i wouldnt spend so much time doing them! i love the feeling of accomplishment after i finish a project or when i figure something out i previously thought there was no chance in hell of me ever learning. and i value other artists accomplishments. i marvel at their creations. so with all my heart, i intend to stay with this knowledge and leave all the pretense and pretending behind.

i have decided to quit *the job*. so many things transpired there. it has been hell. i dont think i have ever been treated so badly in a place of work in my life. i was threatened 2 days ago with termination and my name taken off the schedule for the next week, because i did not have $100 dollars to get my work cards (in Nevada you have to get work cards to be able to work here… crazy). i then realized that i have been staying out of loyalty… loyalty to my sister who also works for the same company and loyalty to the obligation i made when i said i would take the job. but there is no loyalty in this world of corporations. i am just a little ant to them… to be threatened, controlled by fear. so this perceived ant says *bye-bye*.

i visited this site yesterday that i check it out every so often. this woman is brillant. her clothes and accessories are WOW. i think her site is one of the first sites i visited that helped me decided that being a clothing artist is what i want to do.

i also found this quote while aimlessly surfing the net yesterday… love it.

*i fell awake in my dizziness. a mind game.* ~ posted by:tickle_my_elmo

Peas out yall…

started work

okay, i started work this week. hmmmm… i wasn’t intending too, but it happened. everything has just been happening in a crazy way. i started work for *one* of my old jobs, supposedly as a scan clerk (changing prices). it’s a pretty cool job… but… my sis didn’t tell me that it was for a *back up* scan (*back up* being the key words). there are already 3 people in scan, which is all that is required… so i was hired as back up and back up CHECKER! aaaaaaaaahhhh (cue the rghhh rghhh-knife music… like on the movie *Pyscho*) so i am now checking at a major grocery store. checking groceries is not my thang. it is horrible as a matter of fact. my back is locked up… my knees won’t straighten out… my already flat feet feel concave… and folks are a pain in de ass! i’ve been in the service industry/casino for 10 years and i am burnt (out) to a crisp. so i have been fighting the urge to *off myself* daily. i wake up to find my eyes all swollen from crying in my sleep. my previous job in a casino really gave me PTSD. and i feel trapped, since my sister is in management with the same company and i dont want to make her look bad, since i am working for her same director. sigh…

… but what saved me today was i brought my knitting to work with me and at lunchtime i knitted so furiously i could’ve burnt the yarn with the sparks! i knitted for a half hour straight and it is the only that calmed me down after dealing with peeps for 4 hours straight. thank goodness for the healing from *craftwork*… oh and i can’t remember if i posted it, but i learned how to knit (finally!) from that book i bought at Savers! yay-yeah! so i am knitting a scarf for my son who says i never make anything for him and i am in the process of knitting some socks. i want to learn how to knit two socks at the same time on circular needles but that seems a little out of my league.

i feel my cousin at different times during the day.

when i hear a dual exhaust chevy truck… today someone in the line next to me told their child, *ask your Uncle Red* just as i was thinking about him… when i was sitting outside for lunch, i was looking at his picture and it still boggles my mind that i can’t just call him up, that i just cant pop up at his job… man…

back to…

i think to today i will start sewing again. i have really been feeling the need to create, but i haven’t had the energy or the focus. i think i will work on my quilting. i also wanted to get over to Saver’s today. i saw a book called *How to Knit* that i should’ve gotten when i saw it. i hope it is still there. i really want to learn how to knit. i have tried before, but in my hardheaded-ness, i think i refused to learn and made up excuses. i really like how knitted pieces look though. we’ll see how that turns out…

i also am going to organize all the phone numbers from all the *people’s* that i reconnected with this week. i promise myself to not let fear induce me to close back up into my little shell and lose touch with my family and friends again. i will face fear and be myself with them… all of me. my goofyness, my nerdyness, my mean-ness, my shyness… whatever. i will just be. i already talked to my cousin this morning. it was really nice.

i missed yoga again this morning. i was talking on the phone to my homegirl. hopefully it will be back on tomorrow morning. i watch Namaste Yoga on FitTV. it is, i believe, Vinayasa Flow (after i went to get the link it says Hatha Vinyasa… i am not sure what the difference is though, but here is what wikipedia says.) and it is really smooth and flowing and lovely. i also like Gilad’s workout cuz jumping around is not really my cup of tea right now, and his workout are really simple yet seem to be effective for me. i’ve been gaining weight, but my clothes are fitting alot nicer, so i assume that muscle is forming. [ i hope that's what it means ]

wishes for an excellent day for all of us

Vegas is sick

Vegas is really ill.  it appears the majority of these folks are really sick.  greed and selfishness is so out of control here.  respect for humaness is done here.  i thought this already, but after what i saw yesterday…  it is now confirmed for me.  while riding in the funeral procession from the church to the resting place, what i saw made/makes my stomach turn.  cars taking advantage of the intersections being blocked off so they could run red lights.  no one pulling to the side to let the procession go through.  people honking because the intersections were blocked.  even police cars without their sirens on, blowing through. cars joining in the procession so as to not be stopped at lights.  i just couldn’t believe it.  maybe i am old, but i’ve never seen anything like it.  i would say about half of the procession got lost and was not able to make it to the funeral because of this madness.  they did not get to witness their friend’s vessel being given back to mother earth.  they did not get to witness this sacred act.  this town is lost.

thank you

thank you blog.  last night i had such a bunch of emotions and no where to express them.  in writing them down, putting them out in the universe, i feel they were heard.  i needed to be heard.  my father still has not called me, but it is okay now.  i took care of my own needs.  and i am sure he is struggling under the weight of his own needs, his own grief.

i have to go to the casino where my cousin and i worked this morning, to take care of some details regarding accomodations for the family that will be coming into town.  i have to go to the office where both my cousin and i worked together, and where his things are still there.  i am afraid of the unknown.  i am afraid of seeing all of my old co-workers/friends who may know and may need consoling or want to console, or want to ask questions.

i think i will take a blanket with me so i can go to the park afterwards and be still.

i just remembered that i can be still right now, right here.  i am stillness.  peace within the troubled waters.

bye Red, i Love you.

my cousin passed early yesterday morning.  i don’t know what to do.  i am so sad.  i just want to put something into words.   i really Loved and appreciated him.  he was one of the best, kindest, loving men i knew.  he was an example of a male figure for me, when i thought i had none.  he took care of me when i needed it, he was a blessing given to me at my darkest hours.  at times when i felt there was no hope, he pointed me in the direction of light.  he was so funny and kept me laughing at times when all wanted to do was cry.  man, i miss him.  i miss him so much and i am so sad that i will never get to hear your voice again.  Red wherever you are, i pray that you are enveloped in Peace and Love.  man i hope to see you again one day.

rainbows

my sis just called me to tell me to look outside my balcony to the northeast side of town to see these beautiful double rainbows

beautiful, beautiful rain

it is raining today. i feel so warm and comfortable inside. i have all the doors and windows open.

2morrow is my mom’s birthday and this morning the nieces were here and wanted to make her some presents. it started off cool… the youngest one was asleep while i worked on a card and heart bookmarks we found here. we also made a simple little drawstring pouch because Kenzy felt that grandma needed a pencil bag. we also put these cute little tulip covers on the ends of the tied cords.  then Kayla woke up and almost instantly started crying that she wanted to make something, so it sort of turned into a massive juggling act. as usual i forgot to take pics, but after they left i took the pic above… evidence of the craft melee that occurred.

i am having performance anxiety on the string quilt tote. as i near the end of almost every project, i start feeling really afraid, which i then instinctively try to avoid with the aid of procrastination. i know it is because i am afraid i am going to do something to ruin it. and the thought of ripping out stitches instantly makes me feel mad and frustrated. today, i am going to go thru these emotions and stories irregardless and hopefully someday that will become the habit and the fears can dissipate.

…  but for now, i am going to go lay down and try to regain some energy.

cloudy day

 

[edit: this was meant to be posted yesterday, but i forgot   ]

the weather has been so nice… well, nice to me. the cold weather is steadily trying to make it’s way in. it’s been unseasonably cool here in Vegas. usually it stays hot all the way up to Halloween night, when the temperature just plummets in like a couple of days. so with the cool weather, the urge to crochet has come back. 2 days ago i made these slippers. the pattern is so simple and they come out so cute. they took me about 20 min. to make, but i changed the stitch from single crochet to a modified half double crochet (i dont do the yarn over part) to make them not so bulky and go quicker. my niece showed me the almost exact same slipps at Urban Outfitters. i forgot to take a pic of them before i gave them to my sister. i will have to have her take one for me. or maybe today i will get around to making some more. i just feel too lazy to dig my massive yarn bag out of the back of my closet.

i have also been working on strip/string quilting. i am using the instructions posted here. i just get lost in the colors and patterns. i am making a tote bag. i have the bag constructed, but i am procrastinating on choosing the lining and figuring out the the handle part. i intend to make it so the handles can be taken off and switched to another bottom. the handles are big gold colored hoops. i also embroidered a label for this bag. man it took me forever. i don’t know why… prob cuz i was watching TV at the same time.

i also ventured to try free motion quilting last night. i am always so scared to try new things. i have to really get outside of the fear and see it for what it *really* is and then common sense has a chance to appear. i mean it’s kinda crazy… what… i didnt want to wasted a scrap piece of material??? change the settings on my machine??? hahahhahaha

it’s funny how some TV shows help me creatively. here are the ones that i am watching now:

America Sews

America Quilts Creatively

P.O.V.

Nova

Martha Home

Simply Quilts

Independent Lens

Matlock

Murder She Wrote

Arrested Development

Law and Order

Law and Order: Criminal Intent

The X-Files

Keeping Up Appearances

The Office (BBC)